Another episode of not knowing what to do has started. I’ve been very successful about suppressing it actually. But even then it finds it’s way out. It starts with the mild discomfort in my heart. Then it evolves to a depression. When it reaches to my brain it starts occupying every part of my mind. Now I am not the one who owns his thoughts, it makes me think instead. It finds such things I wouldn’t have known they even existed. But here they are very much alive and making fun of me being miserable. Or we both cry together who knows?

To this day, after everything I’ve been through I still don’t know how I could’ve avoided this kind of outcome. I am lost. I’ve been dragged away with every wind. I lost my will, let alone my force. I don’t know what (and if) kind of good can come out of this.